Jun 6

Mean Girls Suck: Tips To Control Your Emotions When Dealing With A Bully

“My daughter was profoundly bullied by a group of girls. The school was aware of it but didn’t do anything. The behavior in the mean girl group was so calculated that daily in the carpool line after school, they selected a different girl to stand with my daughter so she wasn’t standing alone. This wasn’t done out of niceness. Rather, to appear to faculty that she was ‘friends with them’ so outwardly there were no ‘red flags’ that she was being left out. In reality, she was left out of everything and was the victim of targeted, premeditated, brutal bullying behaviors.”

🤯 A parent recently shared this as they talked about their daughter’s entire Middle School experience. The longevity and deliberateness of the bullying behaviors was exhaustive.

With all of the research I’ve conducted on this topic, I’ve heard a lot of mean girl stories but sadly, this one really blew my mind.

This past school year I’ve had several parents share with me about mean girl bullying behaviors towards their teenage girls. I feel like this negative behavior is on the rise, which is utterly heartbreaking and totally impacts your psychological safety. Sure, it’s not possible to be everyone’s bestie – but you can always include, and you can always, always, always, be kind.

Back to the above quote, their daughter left that school and now goes to a High School where she has a lovely circle of friends. However, I can tell you without a doubt that the memories, experiences and emotions are100% still with her, because this type of bullying behavior stays with you indefinitely.

🥊 Here are some signs you’re dealing with a mean girl. She:

Purposely excludes you
Struggles with jealousy / envy
Takes credit for something you did
Lies, gossips or spreads rumors
Is a bully
Struggles with anger
Is hungry for power / control

🥊Bullying and mean girl behaviors pack a big punch! However, you don’t have control over the actions of other people. You may impact it, you may trigger it, but control it... no. Ultimately it’s their choice to act and behave as they do. At any age this is a hard lesson to learn and understand. Especially if you’re on the receiving end of something so harmful and damaging, like mean-girl-bullying-behaviors.

It's important to remember the things you can never control:

The past
The future
The result of things or outcomes
Other people’s opinions or actions
What other people think of you

What you do in response to that behavior is up to you. Why? Because YOU have control over your own actions. It can be very challenging to not take things personally, to ignore it, and let it slide. Ultimately though, that ends up being a positive reflection about you! Sooner or later, people’s negative actions will reveal themselves and show their true colors.

It's important to remember the things you can always control:

1. Your attitude

2. Your words

3. Your actions

4. Your manners

5. Your effort

In the heat of the moment, it’s important to try to not react when dealing with a bully. ‘Practicing the pause,’ let’s you stop, think and cool down before engaging. This lets you take control and be proactive, instead of reactive. ‘Practicing the pause’ keeps you from saying or doing things that you can’t take back and may later regret.

Here are a few strategies to help you control your emotions:

Practice the pause
Walk away
Go outside and get some fresh air
Practice breathing/ relaxation skills
Use humor to deflect the situation
Acknowledge what you’re feeling (labeling it will help you calm down)

Unfortunately, bullies exist and there truly are people who are mean, just for the sake of being mean. If you ever feel that mean/bullying behaviors are compromising your emotional of physical safety, please seek help as no one should have to endure this.

It’s no doubt that mean girls suck! It's hard to be brave and walk away from someone who is toxic. It’s important however, to remember that words and actions have power and it’s always your choice how you choose to use them. What you do to response to that negative behavior is a positive reflection on you!

“Be brave. Your bravery wins a thousand battles you can’t see, because your bravery strengthens a thousand others to win their battles too.” -Ann Voskamp (2020)

If you want to learn more about how to deal with mean girls, in an effort to ‘free the world from frenemies,’ you can find tips and advice in my book, ‘Behind Frenemy Lines.’ Message me with your proof of purchase, if you’d like the .pdf workbook to go along with it.