Ode To Diane.

Diane.

It’s funny, for all the memories I have of you dancing around in my head when I searched my computer today I couldn’t find any pictures.

In my mind though, they’re racing around like wildfire....

I can’t seem to shut off the silent movie that’s playing over and over and over.

One big slide show, each image triggering another.

You were my  childhood.

And so much more.

Those sweet memories.

Making Kool-Aid. Grilling. Playing in the yard. Getting all of our clothes soaking wet running thru the sprinkler. Camping. Fishing. Shakey’s Pizza. Ocean shores. Drive-in movies. Mt. Rainer picnics. Picking cucumbers and berries and anything else to keep us out of trouble in the summer.

Every single birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve.... spent together.

When I stretch my mind back to some of my earliest times with you, the memories come in waves... You, me and Antone crammed in the very back window of our yellow Volkswagen Bug driving to Seattle.

Watching the movie ‘Jaws’ on your living room couch, terrified.

Locking the baby sitter in the bathroom the entire time our parents were gone.

You telling me to stick up my middle finger... and show it to my mom.

The mischievousness and fun of it all.

We should’ve known then you’d have a wicked sense of humor.

And you did. Always.

Your wit, keeping us on our toes... in a good way.

Your laughter was infectious.

There was always SO much of it, too. The kind that makes your stomach hurt because you can’t catch your breath. The type of laughter that’s so contagious we had to laugh with you. Because that’s what you did, you smiled and laughed and lived life completely.

You had an amazing knack with numbers.

And boy could you sing!

Your passion for music introduced me to bands I still love today. 🎶 ACDC is forever attributed to you.

‘Shook Me All Night Long’ at full volume in your old farmhouse bedroom. So loud the walls trembled. I remember Aunt Sue singing along because she loved that song too.

Singing the gospel at church. Belting ‘Delta Dawn’ by Tanya Tucker at the top of our lungs in the car.

🎶“Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on, could it be a faded rose from days gone by? And did I hear you say he was a-meeting you here today, to take you to his mansion in the sky?”🎶

My sweet cousin, older by only two years. You were the one who gave this scared kid confidence to go to junior high school. Knowing you’d be there to protect me...after of course, you told me that all of the older kids shoved new kids in their lockers. You were the one who gave this same kid confidence for her first day of high school. You. The one I snuck out with. Partied with and got into a bit of trouble with.

Driving around in high school with Adam and Steve.

Flying with mom and Steve to Florida for Cathy’s wedding where we stayed in a slum-lord-scary hotel.

Your love of all things tie-die. Sending a tie-died onesie to my daughter Audrey as a baby gift.

You never knew a stranger and were beyond loyal to your friends.

You had so many people who loved and cared for you. 

Many people wear heavy hearts right now.

You had demons.

But you tamed them.  I was SO proud of you for that. We all were.

It was good to talk to you recently. You sounded so positive, happy and healthy as you talked about what you were growing in your garden.

My last text from you...“Thanks cous  I miss and love you all of you ❤️❤️❤️”

We were rooting for you.

You almost did it, Cous.

We were SO hopeful for your future.

But your body... it was tired.

And now, you feel no pain.

These memories... they’re just too many to mention. But I know they’re there. Tucked away, ready to pop out when I need a laugh or smile.

In the work I do, I talk a lot about having a circle of support and why connection with the right people matters. It does, on so many levels. Although it’d been awhile since I’d seen you in person... You‘ve always been an important part of my tribe. To so many others, too.

You. Mattered.

Heaven gained a new angel today.

I know you’re welcomed with open arms... by your mom, aunt Lois, Arty and so many others. You’re surrounded by so, so, so much love.

I hope up there you’re able to visit Australia.

I hope you can travel the world like you wanted to. I hope you can sing and laugh and fish and really live your best life -- out loud. I hope you’re free to be you in all your infinite glory.

You were one of a kind, Di.

The world was a better place with you in it.

I’m a better person having known you.

We all are.

The sunset was beautiful tonight.

It’s like you were telling us, “it’s going to be ok.”

And yes, it will be ok.

It just won’t be the same.

Ode to Diane Marie Allen. June 26th 1968 - October 6th, 2024