People have been positioning their boundaries as far back as time goes, because boundaries are built out of necessity to establish self-respect, peace and self-preservation.
But Iâve seen to some degree, since the onset of COVID, that the need for boundaries has escalated. Women have shared stories with me about friendships gone awry, nasty neighbors gossiping untruths in social circles, or vicious vixens sabotaging co-workers in the office. Iâve seen it occur first-hand and have also experienced it. And let me tell you â itâs hard, hard.
Hereâs the thing.
We all are or should be, continuously changing. Changing -- to evolve and grow into the truest version of ourselves. This thing-called-life is our own personal journey and itâs something to be proud of. Itâs absolutely, something to celebrate!
The cold hard truth of the matter is, not everyone is going to grow, change and evolve with, or as you do. There will be people who like to stay put just as they are and may be threatened, jealous, or donât like the new you. Sure, you may think, âWell if this or that happens... then theyâll change.â OR âI can make them change.â Wrong! Youâll continuously be playing the waiting game and will always, be disappointed.
Waiting for someone to catch up or act appropriately to you, is a disrespect to yourself. When you lack boundaries you lack self-respect. Which is why you overlook the disrespect thatâs thrown at you, because itâs easy to lose yourself when youâre hanging onto something or someone, whoâs not right for you.
Thatâs harsh but itâs also, 100% the truth.
So, whoâs behavior do you have control over? Only your own!
Itâs in that, you teach people how to treat you, by modeling your own self-respect.
So yes, Queen, youâre allowed to terminate toxic relationships!
It can be very difficult to put boundaries in place. But sis, if you donât do it for yourself.... no one else will.
100%, this is also true at work! If youâre in a working situation that feels psychologically un-safe, where you feel fearful, like youâre walking on egg-shells, or arenât being accepted for who you are... Taking care of you, should be your first priority.
Instilling boundaries is a tough thing to talk about.
Boundaries are hard to initiate and additionally hard to keep in place.
Boundaries can be especially difficult if those in âyour circle,â donât like the new rules that youâve established.
But do you really need to talk about it? Do you need to tell the whole-wide-world that youâre putting a boundary in place?
Nope. I donât think so.
There are lots of things that end for no particular reason other than the time has come to an end. Youâll know when itâs time to close a chapter on a relationship or set up a boundary to change the way things currently are.
Sure, there will be some people who get mad at you for not being who they want you to be. They may feel excluded or left out because theyâre impacted by your new parameters. But living by the rules of others, and not your own, is one of the biggest forms of self-betrayal.
âď¸So, what are you willing to put up with? đ
Here are a few things you can reevaluate or stop doing to help gain personal peace and begin to put your boundary-setting-goals in place.
Holding onto people youâve outgrown because of âhistory or invested timeâ
Putting time and energy into 1-side relationships
Accepting or excusing poor behavior just because âtheyâve always acted that wayâ
Trying to fix people or change people
Terminating your own boundaries to fit in with others
Overcommitting (time, energy, money)
Over-thinking past events or things that canât be changed
Comparison to others
Going along to get along
âSometimes we get stuck fretting over what we canât resolve, when the real resolution would come from accepting what we really want is release, not repair.â -Rachael Maddox
This-thing-called-life, itâs your own personal journey.... donât live it on auto-pilot, Queen.
Be ok if others feel threatened that youâve changed or no longer understand you. Those that know you â know you. They still have your back, love and support you, as you do them. Life is too short to feel bad or to be around people who arenât good for your mental health. So itâs very important to note, who youâre giving your time and energy to.
âĽď¸ There is love in holding on and thereâs love in letting go.
Donât use your energy to worry. Use your energy to create, trust, believe, grow, glow manifest and heal. Realizing people arenât meant for you, and not resenting them for it. Thatâs true growth.
You already are. Itâs time TO BE.âĽď¸ P.S. Stay tuned for my next blog out in May about female relationships.
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